Since getting home from Jam Cruise at the beginning of January, it's been all that I have thought about and worked on, aside from regular work and life. On top of getting ready for my defense, I also started adjuncting at two places and started helping Dr. Pezeshki teach his class this semester. And I have been delivery driving full time too. I had been about to lose my sanity with work pressures before Snow Week saved me. All my jobs were shut down for a week due to the mid-February snow, so I was actually able to get caught up and ahead in all my teaching and really get a handle on my defense. I also took the week before my defense off from delivery driving so that I could concentrate.
I had to assemble all this work that I had done over all these years into one coherent story that I had to tell in 45 minutes. I worked on making my presentation for a couple of weeks, figuring out what parts were essential to the story and what I could leave out. I worked hard at making it visually appealing: pictures and graphs, no wordy slides, unified color theme, etc. Then I practiced and practiced, a lot. I worked on getting the timing just right. Then, two days before, I practiced it for Dr. Pezeshki and got really nervous and did a 45 minute talk in 34 minutes. That's exactly what I didn't want to do on my big day.
My nerves really got the worst on the day before the defense. I had all these other details to make sure went perfectly, along with knocking my talk out of the park. I was bringing Central BBQ for my committee, so I had to figure out how all that would work. I had to make sure I had all the forms for my committee to sign. I had to make sure my outfit was ready to go and relatively free of animal hair. I had to make sure my powerpoint was ready and backed up in multiple places. I coped with the pressure by making a lot of detailed lists. My list for Friday morning went, "Wake at 7am, shower, dress...", etc. as if I was going to forget to do any of those things. I did manage to get to bed that night at 10pm, which was really great.
So, I woke up, showered, dressed, and got ready to head to campus. All morning long, I kept getting texts and messages of encouragement from all sorts of places. I walked out of the house and the sun was shining, even though it was cold, which was a welcome change from the series of dreary days we'd been experiencing. The sun made me feel really good and gave me a boost of confidence that TODAY IS THE DAY and it's going to go great!
I got to campus and parked and headed to Ellington Hall to unlock my room. I set up my presentation on the computer and then went to grab my forms. Andrew showed up with the barbeque at about that time, just as I was getting a call from Dr. Farris saying he had made it from Jonesboro and was on campus. Before I knew it, it was 15 minutes before go-time, and I hadn't had a chance to do one last practice. I took a moment in the mail room to take in the day and to say a little prayer of reflection and gratitude. Then I headed into the room, which was surprisingly full of people. I greeted my committee members, who were all smiles which made me feel really confident.
I took my place up front, and, the next thing I knew, Dr. Pezeshki was introducing me to the crowded room. I looked around at all the faces there: Andrew and Vicki from the home team, my committee members, my friends, other grad students, other faculty. I knew that this was my moment to shine and to tell my story. I wanted to do great. And so I began.
My voice was a little shaky at first, and my hand holding the laser pointer showed the true extent of my nerves throughout the talk. As I began my talk, I kept reminding myself to be confident and cheerful and not to talk too fast. But, once I got going, I tried to step out of my head and enjoy what I was doing. It was pretty great. I managed to get through the inevitable passing train, but even it gave a special whistle as it went by (seriously, I've never heard a train do that kind of whistle before or since). Before I knew it, I was on my last slide and was thanking the audience for coming. Then lots of applause. Then there were a couple of questions, none of which I can remember now. I know that I didn't have any trouble answering them and was thankful none were from left field (I had been nervous someone would ask me something random, like, "Does Roundup cause cancer?!"). Then there was more applause, and then Dr. Pezeshki dismissed the room for the private defense.
As people were leaving, that gave me a chance to set up the barbeque. I know. It's a little bit overboard to cater your defense, but I wanted everyone to be full and happy when it came time for the private defense. My committee settled in with their plates, and the questions began.
The first question came from the Department Chair, Dr. Bayer, who asked if I thought evolved resistance to glyphosate would be more likely in annual or perennial species. I was a little thrown for a loop because I hadn't studied evolved resistance to glyphosate and so I really had no idea. I should have been able to make an educated guess but my mind was completely full of other stuff. So I speculated and was wrong. Then my outside member, Dr. Farris, a Distinguished Professor of Environmental Biology at Arkansas State University, asked me several questions related to my research that I was comfortable talking about. Dr. Ethington, my statistics expert, asked me a statistics question that I was able to handle. Then Dr. Goodwin acquiesced on asking any questions, so I was off the hook on that one. Finally, Dr. Pezeshki asked his questions that he had prepared me for, so I got to talk for a while and sound really knowledgeable. Then, Dr. Bayer started asking me about using Roundup near his tomato plants at home, and I knew that, at that point, the real questions were over and I could relax a little bit. We talked a bit about how my research had hit roadblocks of skepticism about whether glyphosate even runs off. After about 45 minutes, the next thing I knew, Dr. Pezeshki was sending me out to the hallway so the committee could deliberate. He told me not to go far, which I knew was a good sign.
After about 10 minutes, Dr. Pezeshki came out to the hallway and invited me to come back in. Everyone was smiling at me expectantly, as if they expected me to say something. After a moment, the tension was broken when Dr. Ethington announced, "Congratulations, Dr. Saunders!" It really was like music to my ears. I'd been mistakenly called Dr. Saunders before and I always felt like an imposter. But the first time hearing it after I had finally made it was a really great feeling.
Things kind of became a blur after that. I cleaned up the barbeque and headed home to celebrate with Andrew and Melissa for a minute before heading over to Tracks. Andrew had to head to work, but he came over to Tracks for few minutes before work. There were a bunch of grad students up there to celebrate with.
Folks kept buying me beers. I did a celebratory shot or two. Of course, I had to have train shooters too. In all, I got pretty relaxed after my ordeal. Before it got dark out, I remember looking up at the sky and seeing the big waxing moon looking down on me. When I saw it, I felt like, of course everything went great; the moon was up there guiding me the whole time.
I drank with my friends for as long as they could. After a couple hours, they slipped away, and I got to spend a cool time hanging out one-on-one with the other Lyndsey in the department. We sat and shot the breeze for a couple hours. Then she had to go too. Finally, I ordered a salad and a tea. I needed to sober up or call a cab. After some food and non-alcoholic liquids, I felt much better. I drove home, put on my pajamas, and sat by myself for a while, basking in my new glory. It felt AWESOME.
The next night, we went to Wild Bill's Juke Joint to celebrate some more. I'd never been and heard it was awesome and decided that this was the night to go. We'd invited a bunch of friends to meet up with us and a bunch of folks came out. I loved Wild Bill's! The band and singer were really great! The crowd was as chill as could be (except the hype man in the corner; he was hyped). They sold 40's and set ups (ice, a cup, and a soda) for your own liquor. We drank a couple of 40's and some booze. I danced with my friends and it was just great!
I had also declared that night to be my chance to go to Paula and Raiford's Disco. At set break at Wild Bill's, most folks were leaving to go home, but D.d., Seth, Andrew, and I continued our way downtown to experience Raiford's. I am not sure exactly what happened in that club after we paid our cover. We walked in, navigated our way through the sea of 20 year olds, and made it to the back to the dance floor. The vibe was super weird, and all four of us decided that we wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. So we navigated our way back the way we came. I even asked for a refund of our cover because we were there for such a short time. They kind of laughed. Anyway, it was an experience. I'm still not sure what kind of experience it was. We thought about going back to Wild Bill's but it was getting close to 3am so we called it a night.
And that's it! Now I'm a PhD, a Doctor of the Philosophy of Biological Sciences. I keep calling myself Dr. Lyndsay! I have found that this milestone is kind of like having a birthday. No one can tell anything has changed just from looking at you. You're older, and you feel a little different. But nothing really changes from the day before. That's about it.
I want to take this chance to share my dissertation's Dedication. I thought a lot about this when I wrote it and so many times since, especially on the day of my defense. I did not accomplish this on my own. So here it is:
Dedication
This
dissertation is dedicated to my loving, supportive, and patient family. I
especially dedicate this to my mother who believed in me unconditionally. I
miss you, Mom; you always knew I could get to this point. I would also like to
thank my tirelessly supportive husband, Andrew, for always being my greatest
cheerleader. I thank my daughter, Madison, for her support and understanding of
my time spent on my academic pursuits. I am grateful to my father for his love
and support. I thank my grandparents, Grandma and Poppop, and Nana and Poppop,
for providing a firm foundation for our family to grow from. I appreciate my
Aunt Bonnie Skaggs, Aunt Kathy, and Aunt Bonnie Wheeler for being female role
models for higher learning and for always believing in me. I thank my Aunt
Debbie and Uncle Sean for being early promoters of my interest in science. I
also thank my grandmother-in-law, Missy, for sharing in the light and love of
knowledge. I am especially grateful to my wonderful mother-in-law, Vicki, for
being my steadfast supporter and believer. To each of you, thank you and I love
you.
