Serendipity III

Here's what was one of the biggest surprises of my life.

Schiphol Airport, Amsterdam, NL; July, 2003

Andrew and I were in the Amsterdam International Airport waiting to fly back to New Jersey when I was certain I recognized a guy I had worked with at Masterson’s. Andrew was sure I was crazy, and I wasn’t sure that he was wrong.  But I couldn’t shake it and had to go over and ask.

It was Seth! He had been the only decent person I met when I went to work a shift at Masterson’s sister operation, a foofoo restaurant on the Ohio River named Captain's Quarters. I really didn’t fit into the scene; all the servers were standoffish, except one. Seth did his best to help out a stranger in a strange land, and maybe he recognized me as another kindred spirit.

As it was, I didn’t see him again until he too was headed home from a month-long vacation in Europe. Unlike Andrew and me, who backpacked around and made our own itinerary, Seth had gone with his mom and sister on a bus tour of many of the same places that Andrew and I had visited during our trip of the same duration. It was awhile before I saw Seth again after Amsterdam, randomly running into him on the lot of a show and introducing him to Carter. Since then, he has become one of Carter’s best and most reliable friends.

Me, Seth, Carter, and Noah at this year's Louisville Waterfront Independence Day festivities

Serendipity II

The next installment of anecdotes about my life's many interesting coincidences.

Boardwalk Pizza, Virginia Beach, VA; June, 2003

Andrew and I made a trip to the East Coast to visit my dad and brothers, and this visit was Andrew’s first encounter with that side of the family. Jamie and Selma, my brother and sister-in-law, and Andrew and I went for lunch at a pizza place on the boardwalk. We had a great time, catching up, everyone getting to know Andrew.

Imagine my amazement when our server was a girl I used to work with at Masterson’s: Pavlanka from the Czech Republic. She had even lived at my best friend's house for a few weeks, so I knew her pretty well. She had been in Virginia Beach for a few months, lured there in a pretty strange scheme that had her living with several other Eastern European girls in a small apartment. When I reflect on this story now, it occurs to me that Pavla, as she preferred to be called, may not have had a legit immigration status. Anyway, it was crazy to run into her again 700 miles from where I knew her before.

Serendipity I

I have decided to share several of my life's many interesting coincidences as a series, starting with this one from back in 2000.

Masterson’s Catering, Louisville, KY; 2000


I had been working at Masterson’s as a caterer for about a year, commuting 70 miles from Hodgenville to work in Louisville, right next to UofL (thus working there actually made sense since I was in undergrad at UofL at the time). On a busy weekend, we would have 4 parties in house and numerous off-site caterings, employing around 60 servers. It was a weekend such as this that I was lucky enough to get to stay in-house on one of the easy banquets.

As service began, a new server walked in to start their first shift. It was Leslie Walters from Hodgenville; she graduated a year before me from the only high school in the county and had moved to Louisville to attend UofL. Mom was really good friends with her dad, who was the high school guidance counselor. Carter had more than one run-in with Mr. Walters back in his high school days. I could have easily been on a different event and not even met her before she quit a few weeks later. As it was, it felt surreal to see someone associated strongly with one environment in another setting, which has become somewhat of a theme in my life.

I also find it serendipitous that, while working at Masterson’s, I met my BFF, Emily, and Andrew, my soulmate, there, as well as getting my first dog, Cuba, from a fellow employee (I’ll never forget you, Juan Carlos!).

Missing Madison

On Saturday, we took Madison and most of her belongings to Kentucky.  We spent the night at the Galt House and got to see Carter and Noah.  We walked over to Bearno's by the Bridge for some of Louisville's best pizza.  Afterwards, we hung out in the hotel room and played with Noah.  Rachel came over when she got off of work, and they were going to spend the night.  But Noah got fussy and wouldn't go to sleep, so they wound up leaving. 

Sunday morning came too quickly.  After checking out of the hotel, we met Carter and Noah for breakfast at IHOP then told them goodbye.  From there, we drove to Jerry and Meghan's condo.  Jerry wasn't there, but Meghan helped us unload and showed us Maddie's room.  She had a nice double bed, but they hadn't gotten the mattress for it yet (apparently they got it that night), as well as a bedside table and lamp. 

Madison didn't seem to be sad to be leaving, but I could barely hold it together to get out of there without breaking down.  We hugged her, told her goodbye, and got in the car and left as empty nesters headed back to Memphis.

This week has been terrible.  I didn't get out of bed for almost 3 days.  I haven't been eating (this is certainly the first time depression has affected me in that way).  I don't want to see or talk to anyone except Andrew.  It was so depressing to go to Wednesday night dinner with the family that I almost couldn't bring myself to go.  I did though, and that felt like a big step.  Afterwards, I visited with Missy since it was our night to spend the night over there, but Andrew had to work late.  I stayed there until he got there and then went home.  I usually enjoy spending the night over there, but I just wanted to get back to my house.  In the past couple of days, I've resolved not to go back to bed after getting up and to do some chores around the house. 

Andrew has been so incredibly patient and supportive, but I know that he's having a hard time too - dealing with his own sadness and with a nonfunctional adult.  He shouldn't have to shoulder all that, so I'm trying to be a little more functional.  He's had to work doubles all week to cover another instructor's class and has been taking care of the garden, the pets, the dishes, the laundry - pretty much everything.  I really want to step up for him.

Also, I feel so ambivalent about my research.  It takes a ridiculous amount of will power to go to campus and water my plants every couple of days.  If I don't do at least that much, they will die, but it's hard to care.  I really need to be setting up for my experiments, but, while the plants are still too small to work on, it's hard to get motivated to do that either.  I had been planning on doing a bunch of plant grinding, but we've been in the middle of a heat wave, and the building I work in at NSL doesn't have air conditioning, so I'm going to wait on that until the weather gets back to some bearable temperatures, like in the 90's.

In spite of all this ambivalence, I still really want to be successful.  I have some things that should be motivating me to be more productive (upcoming conferences and my departmental research update), but I can't even wrap my mind around it all.  I was thinking about taking the semester off, but I'm not sure that's really the best plan.  I know that all grad students go through periods where they feel like they are failing in their research, but it's hard to feel like that in addition to all the other depressed feelings I have.

The worst part of this situation is that I am still completely in mourning for my mom, and everything with Madison leaving has left me at an all-time low.  The sadness I feel for each event feeds into the other, and I just want to go back to sleep.  I keep trying to tell myself all these self-help maxims, like "fake it 'til you make it" or "this too shall pass" or "the only way forward is through it".  I was even seriously getting the Serenity Prayer tattooed on my forearm, but that's probably something I should think about more before something so permanent.

Anyway, I thought that maybe writing about how I'm feeling would make me feel a little better.  It hasn't yet, but maybe it will.